What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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