this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I had to cum in my sink.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
