it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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