I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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