Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
