please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
