I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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