Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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