guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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