Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
