I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
