I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
