Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
