She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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