dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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