tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
