also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
