you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
