you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
sarcasm needs its own font
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If I die, sorry about rent.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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