I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
im on a boat
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