he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
