you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
