I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
