Do you still have your period?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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