that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
