8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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