do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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