her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
