I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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