i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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