I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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