I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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