dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
