My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
