At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
