at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
