I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
