My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i need some magic done to my vagina
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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