We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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