I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize