Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
