I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
COCAINE IS GR8
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
