Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
