My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
