We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
