Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
