I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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