you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
