when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
