he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
