Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
