Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
