her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he puts the penis in happiness.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
