I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
