I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
