He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
